Coasters & Constant Questions: Our Kickoff to Summer at Kings Island

Summer break is officially here—and what better way to ring it in than loading up my minivan with chaos and heading to Kings Island? That’s right, I took my three kids and my older autistic brother Bradley to our favorite place to launch the season in true “go big or go home” fashion.

We’ve been season pass holders for years now (thank you to my Mom and Dad, for the annual “experience gift”), and the minute spring temperatures hit 60°, the kids start asking when we’re heading back to the park. This year, we kicked things off on a Thursday, trying to beat the crowds and start summer with a bang… or, let’s be honest, a lot of repetitive conversations and negotiation.

Now, Bradley is a Kings Island enthusiast. He loves the rides, the atmosphere, and—most notably—the merch. He also happens to be the most persistent person alive. I swear, if the collections department ever needs someone who can lovingly badger someone into paying a bill, Bradley is your guy. Commission-only? No problem. He will wear you down.

The day started smooth—breakfast was had, bellies were full, and no one was hangry (a minor miracle). We got Damion’s disability pass squared away (I had already done the IBCCES approval ahead of time because I try to be that mom), and even though it is not a park requirement yet, it will be down the road so might as well learn how to do it now. Pass in hand, off to go get our rides started!

But then Bradley started in:
“Can I get a souvenir?”
“No, we’re here to ride, not shop.”
“But I brought money.”
“Still no.”
Five minutes later… “Can I get a souvenir?”
He conveniently opted out of riding Boo Blasters—classic move—so he could try to sneak in a shopping trip. Joke’s on him though, because Kings Island is cashless and he doesn’t have a card. Sneaky Plan A: Denied.

 

Eventually, I gave in when he spotted a little Woodstock plush at the photo station (because naturally, everyone loves the ride pics, especially Bradley). He gave me his cash, I used my card, he got his Woodstock. Problem solved? Oh, sweet naive me. The nagging simply shifted gears to playing the midway games.

If you’ve ever tried explaining to someone why you’re not paying $10 for a chance to win a neon green banana plush when you already have a mountain of untouched toys at home… and then explained it again… and again… welcome to my life.

Then Damion started in. Damion, who is so much like Bradley in some hilarious and maddening ways, loves to ask the same questions repeatedly, especially if he finds someone who reacts. Enter Bradley: the ideal target. Damion would ask, Bradley would get annoyed, Damion would find that hysterical, rinse and repeat. And then came the meta-layer:
Bradley: “Why does Damion keep doing that?”
Me: “Because he likes how you react.”
Bradley: “But WHY does he do it?”
Me: “Bradley… why do you do it?”
And so it spiraled on, into what felt like an eternity of comedic (if slightly chaotic) conversation loops.

Despite the background soundtrack of constant repetition, it was a good day. The weather was beautiful, the crowds stayed manageable, and we managed to get on almost every ride we wanted. Drew, my little guy, got to ride The Bat for the first time thanks to a height change (small victories are still victories!). And even though I had no backup adult, we made it through—me, three kids, and one grown-up kid-at-heart who came for the thrills and stayed for the Woodstock plush.

I’m not the most patient person in the world, and this day tested every inch of what I do have, but I’ll give myself a pat on the back. I survived. No one got lost. Everyone had fun. And the only real casualty was my sanity… which let’s face it, I handed over a long time ago when I became a mom.

Here’s to summer, the screams of coasters, and the never-ending questions I’ll be answering until school starts back up again.