I wish I could tell you that this time around was easier.
First days of kindergarten are nothing new for this household. We’ve done it twice already. We’ve even done it before with another child on the spectrum. But that hasn’t made it any easier.
I know more of the faculty this time around. I know the IEP process better. I know what all worked and didn’t work the first time around for his brother. But that hasn’t made it any easier.
He is higher functioning than his brother. He can communicate a little better. This makes my concerns for him a little different, but different doesn’t mean easier.
The first day of kindergarten is such a big steppingstone for all kids. It is normal for a parent to be sad or worried for how their little one will do. It is normal to feel like your child isn’t quite ready for this big step. It is normal for it to be a bittersweet moment. But for parents of kids with special needs we know that our “normal” is different. It is filled with a bigger kind of worry, different kinds of fears.
I packed all his favorite foods, but I’m still worried my sensory boy will go all day without eating.
I’ve talked with him about his teacher. But I’m still scared he didn’t fully understand my words and will get overwhelmed with his new surroundings.
I help show him how to talk to friends every time we visit the playground. But I’m still nervous that other children might not understand his games, or his words, and he will be dismissed by his peers because he is different.
I am afraid he will get overwhelmed.
I am afraid he will have a meltdown.
I am afraid that he won’t be able to express to them what he needs.
We can do our best to prepare ourselves and our children in all the best ways we know how but, in the end, trusting for things to go well when it is out of your control is just a difficult thing to do. This is why letting go, no matter how many times I’ve done it before, will never truly be any easier.